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Vulnerability
Where does this word come from?
From fear…
Of opening ourselves to pain
pain from betrayal of trust, loss
how does one vanquish this fear?
Only with time
Time….
The cruel and disciplined and omnipotent master of all
But lovingly…brings us another day to reflect on what our lessons have been,
and the challenges we must yet face.

To conquer fear we must face it head on
yet when we confront it
we let our selves return into the depths of vulnerability to be shown again where it lives.
It is a vicious circle within which we dance
I am a creature of the heart
In so many moments I have gone headfirst, headlong into the depths of the unknown
and fearlessly challenged the future
and have little to show for my efforts
but a memory of vulnerability

and a stronger sense of fear
Not you…You do not move without deliberation
The cautious and thoughtful mind
I see the strength of a lion in you
and the care taken for your heart…
like a maze….
only the sagacious might find the way through
But I see also something else
The heart learning to act
without asking first the mind.
So the heartful creature stands before you
in wonder and in awe
letting this vulnerability be seen
for these are words I would not say
for fear
of flight
but my heart bids me….speak…
And I hold in my hand
this tattered and bloodied thing…
still beating with
life
fear
anticipation
inspiration
hope……
I hold it out to you
Not to give it to you…
but to show you what lives within its chambers
allowing these words to be told
for I am willing to give you
time.
Now herein lay the question of why
my intuition tells me
that time
will eradicate any vulnerability
for either of us

The Samuri in Writing

KEEEEEEE YAH! Says the samuri, Stop that! This is amazing I own two Bowken from my jap sword class which is about samuri swordsmanship. Even in the moves for cuting, drawing and blocking there are no wasted moves. It is odd to consider there is an inner Samuri, perhaps I should pay more attention to his words and actions.
:)

The Samuri stops us from shredding our work, just like in swordplay “hacking” is considered wasteful, unproductive and potentialy will get you killed. Smooth movements and when you do not complete, try again. Practice practice, practice…

I do not do this well, I believe I know something once I learn it. Rewriting my own work seems daunting. I did do something different which Goldberg talks about in the next chapter. Rereading as if another person wrote it, this is how I began to work on the second draft of my novel. I think it is easier to do this when its a short piece verses 80 pages. lol I am working on it.

Great chapter, short, clean and to the point. Just like a kata, a serious of moevments that bleed into each other.

From my inbox comes this message:

       While it’s often fashionable to dwell upon what might have been, Rochelle, what’s usually overlooked is that really and truly, it couldn’t have.
Because, invariably, any romanticized versions of how things “might have been,” are based upon fictionalized versions of the past.
Un-hun,
    The Universe
You see, Rochelle, most of the time when people think the present could have been different than it is, it’s because they think the past was different than it was. Happily, the future can still be anything, when you surrender to the details (and who has to do what).

Things have been tough for a lot of people, I know , and in the wake of walking through my spiritual path I encounter doubt. A lot.

  How does this manifestation thingy really work? Why am I still struggling? These thoughts and fears plagued me for about a month.  My doldrums even kept my friends from coming back around for a bit. It was strange to feel that dark and cold place again, I mean at first it was odd because it was unfamiliar. Later I realized that I had lived in this shadowy place of self-doubt for so long that it became comfortable. That is when the manifestations poured in:

the car broke down, fuel pump again
Mechanic refused to fix the part which is only 10 months old (12 mo manufactures warranty)
Eviction notice on my door
some of my closest friends no longer talking to me
feeling lonely
Called my father for help and was told they had too much to pay for after helping my younger sister and brother.

I sank, and cried, every time a door slammed in my face I felt this odd feeling. It was peace, a sense of peace was radiating through me and it didn’t stop.

In two weeks I began to notice that I created the feelings, fears and the doubts. The peace I was feeling reminded me that the only source I am to truly count on is God, the Universe or whatever you want to call the power that isn’t human.

Lean in, Rochelle, Lean in to the Universe…

So I applied for some scholarships, then hit the goldmine ….Sweepland NPDOR panelists.
I do surveys about 3 a week and receive points, the points take me to 5 money scholarships and 10 prize scholarships… In other words I take a survey and NPDOR gives me entries into as many of their scholarships I want.
Last week?
I had 876 entries in over 13 scholarships and prizes.
Yesterday I left work in 2nd place for my scholarship video.
Last week My boss suggested I ask the honors department for compensation to run their Facebook Page
They said yes.
Now? I am still at peace and revelling in the glory of the universe. My friend bought the part needed to fix my car and it will be done this weekend.

Changing the world, truly is as simple as changing your mind.

Dear Readers,

I received an email for a free telecast about the 5 spiritual myths that sabotage us from evolution, the blocking of our internal freedom. I would like to share the email with you and the links to the free telecast. You must register to receive the free telecast which also gets you information on the transformations happening around the world.

Namaste my friends,

Rochelle

Dear Rochelle,

You know that beyond spiritual ideas and experiences, there is one
thing that’s essential for our personal and collective evolution –
an authentic transformative practice.

That’s the “open secret” of the spiritual life. Yet for too many of
us, something gets in the way of actually doing the practices that
we love, and that we know in our hearts will transform us.

In one way or another, we get blocked, sabotaged, or led astray
from our intention to practice.

That’s why we’re truly honored to be writing you today about a
groundbreaking and powerful free telecast with Terry Patten,
Integral teacher, visionary, and bestselling co-author with Ken
Wilber of Integral Life Practice: A 21st Century Blueprint for
Physical Health, Emotional Balance, Mental Clarity, and Spiritual
Awakening
.

In “The 5 Spiritual Myths that Sabotage Your Conscious Evolution,”
Terry shows you how you can become aware of the false beliefs and
ideas that are obstructing your spiritual development and, more
importantly, how to dissolve them so that you can evolve into the
full expression of who you are.

If you are interested in learning more or participating in this
free teleclass, I encourage you to visit the welcome page and
register for free.

Through direct teaching, engaging stories, and easy-to-follow
practical exercises, you’ll learn how to identify–and overcome–the
5 most damaging myths that tend to hold us back in our conscious
evolution.

If you’re ready to dissolve the false perceptions that obstruct the
evolution of your highest potential, I invite you to join Terry for
this important and engaging conversation.

You can learn more and register for free at the link below:

The 5 Spiritual Myths that Sabotage Your Conscious Evolution

Warm regards,

The Integral Enlightenment Team

P.S.   This is the first time Terry will be offering this rare
teaching to the general public.  Since he is generously offering
this Teleclass for Free, we strongly encourage you to register and
participate.

The single most important issue in the upcoming 2012 elections for President and Vice President of the United States…. hmmm that’s a mouthful. How do you define anyone issue? One site, explains how energy is the most important. One look at the URL tells you why, “the energy collective” well of course, however they state some firm facts concerning Iowa being the first electoral contest. Ethanol verses corn growers, Republicans looking at climate control and the changes over the last twenty years.

The recent United Nations summit released information on the climate issue, globally which has many within the Republican ranks turning skeptic. The odds are in favor of a political game, running against an incumbent means turning the sights of a hopeful candidate on the oval office. The hopes of disintegrating policy changes, inept changes and or no changes occurring based on prior promises of the incumbent. Obama did in promise a greener campaign through regulations and law changes. During the summit many countries experienced cold feet due to economic relapses, doubts about global warming science, and lets face many Americans do not concern themselves with worldly affairs.

“Of the major players in the Kyoto Protocol, my sense is that the EU is the only one still considering signing up in some fashion to a second commitment period,” said U.S. Special Envoy for Climate Change Todd Stern while discussing Durban 2011 at a meeting on global warming in Mexico City. “Japan is clearly not, Russia is not, Canada is not and Australia appears unlikely.”

Energy is an issue, the problem with an issue is their never a single problem. Durban held the climate change conference urging countries like US, China and Canada to help underdeveloped countries stop the emission of hydrocarbon and green house gases. The UN is hesitate due to the Petition Project which garnered 31,000 signatures of American Scientists. This is largely in response to the movie “An Inconvenient Truth” released by Al Gore. His claims about ‘settled science’ and consensus enraged someone and the petition is launched.

Question: So the 31,000 plus American Scientists signed a petition because Al Gore called them skeptics?
Question 2: These 31,000 plus American Scientists read the report from Kyoto, Japan about greenhouse gasses before signing the petition?

And what about the planned obsolescence of the manufacturing of products? Electronics? Is “human contribution” now labeled as a corporation?

Questions… and more questions…
Who can you trust and what information do you trust? In my recent study in statistics we learned how scientific data can be manipulated with a ticks on a graph or a few punches of a calculator. Data is misrepresented in the media as factual simply to make a story, headline or demolish the opposition.

Case in point:
Bottled water is healthier and safer for you. FDA

In fact bottled water is the same as tap water, AND it goes under less regulation than tap water.
hm….
“Second hand smoke causes 3000 deaths per year.” Released by EPA in December of 1992

Further analysis of the EPA’s report shows they did a “meta analysis” meaning they reviewed 35 studies on second-hand smoke. Five were thrown out and the number goes down to 30, out of those 30 studies 25 studies showed there was NO significance in the affect of second hand smoke on people. Only 5 of those studies showed a significance at the 95% level.
5 out of 30, 25 showed no significant. In science we call that not enough to state conclusively it is dangerous.

But the politics, the regulations, and of course all the new laws help to regulate smokers, tobacco industries and people feel safe because of news reports that misrepresent data. Not to mention the EPA released this information BEFORE the study was finished.
hmm…

Single most important issue? Our need for more Stuff, and the push to create that need. So take a step back, seriously and breathe. Watch this video and see if you can’t come up with some personal changes to effect a better presidency by being a president of your own actions.

Personal accountability in the oval office, in the congress, and in the senate. You know what, how about in every American. For once we may stop thinking about our neighbor and try focusing on our own actions and behaviors.

Energy is just another part of this conglomerate of issues. Corporations create harmful pollutants that are released in the air. Many individuals do not separate their plastic from trash, let alone aluminum. Restaurants throw away enough food at night in every city in the United States that it could feed the homeless.

Phones cost $400 and break or become obsolete in 18 months. The cloud of gray and yellow haze I see over Phoenix gets denser every year, not to mention the winters are colder than last year. The summers are hotter than the year before, as well.
My single most pertinent issue is simple; take responsibility for your thoughts.
Change is constant, this is a universal law. What you think and how yo make up your mind comes from your stimuli, so instead of seeking the news caster on the television. Read a few articles on the Internet, cross check information BEFORE you make a decision. More people thinking and listening will create a spiral of change in how the administration runs a country. I can’t tell you if energy is the most important issue, or if environment is instead. I can offer you this, breathe for 4 seconds and ask yourself what is real for you. Then act on it. People make changes and  only takes place when you decide its time. (Neale Donald Walsch)

This is an official blog entry for the YourLocalSecurity.com Blogging Scholarship. If selected, I’ll receive $1000 towards my college expenses in 2012. This scholarship is sponsored by YourLocalSecurity.com

Natalie Goldberg

1. Respond to this observation: “Writing can teach us the dignity of speaking the truth, and it spreads out from the page into all our life, and it should.” Do you agree? Are you able to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth in your writing? Are there any limits to truth-telling?

Definition of the word truth immediately send us into a caldron of debate, but yes ultimately writing does teach the dignity of truth. From the page into my daily life, truth reaches beyond the borders of my current understandings. My friend Cam and I were discussing this in a round a bout way, the idea of what I believed and what she believed were different. I decided that in that moment one of us was right and the other wrong. Ironically I discerned she was wrong and ,I, being uber intelligent must set her ‘right.’ (:0) laugh out loud..)

This idea came from a context that others are right and pass the knowledge along. In my journal, I began to write down what my parents dictated was ‘right’, ‘appropriate’ and then I wrote down their actions, what I witnessed, and there behaviors. Almost every time the two did not match. Which is where I suppose the “do what I say and not what I do” colloquialism comes from. (did I use that word correctly? trying to expand my vocabulary. lol)

sitting in the front seat of Cam’s blazer the conversation continued to expand. The truth as I saw it became arguable, Cam explained it to me in the form of an analogy.

“Imagine you have a piece of paper, the surface of the paper is all you know. This is your truth, the paper has been given to you by whomever gave you such truths. What you don’t know is beyond the borders of the paper. As you walk your path, grow, learn and question you cover more areas of the paper. Eventually. you will find a part of the paper to stop, in other words you discover the edge. We can stay here for a while comfortable in what we know and deem everything beyond the border of the paper to be unknowable. After a time we may come to discover there is another side, after all if there is an edge then there is something beneath what we are on. Then we began to wonder what is the edge further investigation leads us to find the fold, this is not an edge. this is a crease, the crease folds and then it unfolds and we have more paper (truth) to discover. Your truth is here and taking the leap into the unknown will reveal more truth for you to discover.”

After the thirty minute conversation I am left with a rather illuminating thought; Neither of us carried the truth, there is no right or wrong, and furthermore there is only the discovery of life that leads us to what truths we claim and those we do not. In this concept, writing becomes the secondary tool of discovery. There is the truth of my parents and when written down becomes contradictory. Then there is the evolution of my own and the changes that come from discovering what is real for me and what is not.

It was not until I began writing on a blog in 2007 did i find ideas in my brain that made no more sense than my parents actions. As writing developed so did the truths I held so dear and by virtue of simply questioning them, rewriting them and looking at them they changed. From one day I was true to the ideal of family as defined by my father and the next I discovered that such an ideal wrought much devastation to a personal psyche. New words are formed, new ideas are tested and my personal everyday life changed. It changed so drastically that some people fell away from my circle and others walked in. I wondered often at the confusion of my best friend,

“I liked the woman I met, now I don’t know who you are.”

A statement that suggests only one possibility, i had discovered the edge of my truth and decided to unfold its crease. 

Running away from the past

Natalie Goldberg, Author of Writing Down the Bones

“Goldberg talks about having tried to run away from her own upbringing and religion–running away from home. Is there anything in your “home” or background that you have run away from? You don’t have to tell me exactly what it is if you don’t want to, but think about this: do you believe it is valuable or necessary to come to terms with the way we grew up? Or can we simply leave behind what we don’t want to deal with as if it never happened?” -Eng 217 Linda Evans

    What I love about this question is how it ties into the last one. Personally I spent years running away from my upbringing, home life, even while I lived there. Inescapable is the term I use now because psychology teaches us that what we learned in our environments growing up influences our behaviors now. this is perfectly annotated in case studies, experiments heck our own family life.

“My mothers voice just came out of my mouth.. oh my god…”
” I swore I would never do what my father did..”

“I will never be a parent like my mom.”

“Oh my god, that is something my father would say.”

         The list is increased exponentially by the introduction of films; they reflect this in comedies, dramas, etc. We watch our family lives portrayed by complete strangers and wonder at the magnificence of their abilities to display what we feel. Not considering the cathartic reactions because some person wrote the dialogue, interactions, facial expressions. The simplicity behind this is everyone has experienced a family life, some ideal, some crazy, some not, some uncertain. All of these are reflected through the writer, whether in books, poems, blogs, screenplays or text messages.
            

  Running from the pieces of our past only, in my opinion, bring them closer to us. Neale Donald Walsch wrote in his book Conversations with God, “What we resist, persist.”

In other words, the relationships we had with our parents, guardians, siblings, etc will be re-enacted in our present day romantic relationships, friendships, co-workers, strangers, etc. This enables us to resolve issues from that time period, and constantly define who we are. Who I am, Who I choose to be in relation to this event, person, or place.
I ran away from the psychological torture, physical abuse of my step-father. I ran away from the indifference and emotional abandonment of my mother. I ran away from the blaming mentality of my family. I ran away from the sexual abuse of my uncle. I ran away from the feeling of being less than, unimportant, and a throw away.

The true changes in my life, relationships and feelings came when I stopped running. The process can be arduous if one is not willing to undertake it but i have found it to be exhilarating, liberating, and challenging. Who I am is no longer defined by what my family, parents, uncle or friends state is true or ‘right’. Who I am is how I am defined by my choices, feelings and personal spiritual program all of which are now valid, complete and real.

The value is I am free. The price is non-existent. The reality is true freedom from the bondage of others, myself, and religion is priceless.

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