Dear God,
Feelings, there is a noticing of the feelings. One person in my life is pulling away from me. A necessary part of self growth that I can acknowledge and be happy for her about. On the other hand I sense a loss or grief process for the person leaving. That is also a normal part of the growth process.
The other person in my life is coming closer, language is changing and words are forming new expressions of the self. Again a regular part of the growth process for certain, and I am embracing this changes in others.
Fascinations with other people’s growth negates my own however if I am not paying attenting to my own responses to others. There is the sense I am losing something I want which is part of the definition of fear according to others in Alcoholics Anonymous. Others such as Marianne Williamson discuss there are two emotions: Fear and Love. Neale Donald Walsch re-iterates this by saying that every action stems from one of these emotions. Fear can sponsor love which sponsors fear… and so on.
The ultimate question then comes not from what others are doing but what I feel and want.
Physical there is a pulling away from the center of my being, otherwise known as midline in Yoga. The conscious part of me is noticing it and attempts to correct what I have subjectively aggreed is wrong. This of course is accordance with the just world bias that there is a right or wrong. Personally I developed a different belief structure that implies all things are in accordance with the divine plan of life. In other words there is no right or wrong. In this aspect the agreement between my body’s movements and the awareness to correct them is out of sync with my supra-consciousness and therefore manifesting my desires on different levels simultaneously.
Hence the two people currently in my life. One provides a close comfortable feeling of familiarity. Sexually intense and as well as movement spiritually connected. Some intellectual stimulation and of course sense of adventure.
The other gives a wonderful intellectual stimulation, orderly and self independant. Values herself and her belief system by doing her life’s purpose through the universe. In tune.
Both characteristics in each person are listed on the “desirable qualities in a mate” note card on my desk at home. The fact they are two different people indicate a disconnect in my own manifestations.
This is the how and why of manifestating without being in congruence with the id, the ego, and the supra ego as Freud calls them. The more appealing terms, in my opinion are subconscious, consciousness and supraconsconciousness.
okay, so back to basics. Regulate the food and physical activity combined with a regimen of prayer and meditation and a focus on service brings aobut the harmonious interaction of self will and God’s will.
I love you,
Rochelle
